look no pants
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
