There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
