well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
