My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
