I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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