I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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