i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
