new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
