Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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