At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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