Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
