I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
