Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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