That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
