We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
His hands were made for my vagina.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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