you traded sex for a burrito?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
