I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
