I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
