Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i black out too much to be "responsible"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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