i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
birth control should be required to get into college
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
