GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
