My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
