I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
This is not my ceiling
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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