hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
