go do what you do best...puke behind churches
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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