its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
