its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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