Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
How naked do you want me to be?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
