Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
