god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
