so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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