I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
