U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
