At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
