Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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