tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You took a bar mat shot.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
