Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
