he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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