you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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