My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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