Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
