I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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