If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
