I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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