Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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