im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
