lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Even my vagina gasped.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
