Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
