I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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