I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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